QT Christmas Carols

words by niall roeder

For most relatively sane, well-adjusted people the words, “Christmas song” send a cringey shiver down the spine and cause an involuntary face-scrunch. It’s a nails-down-the-chalk-board type feeling, like lemon juice squirted on the soul. I get it, I really do. However, I’ve done a bit of research and whilst most Xmas tunes are horrible, there are surprisingly a couple of humdingers out there.

Destiny’s Child – 8 Days of Christmas
Beyonce, Kelly… and the other one from D-Child can pretty much do anything they want, so you shouldn’t be surprised that 8 Days of Christmas is a banger. This tune could easily be on any of the other Destiny’s Child albums – it’s a solid beat and the independent women absolutely nail singing about “my man, my man, my baby”, feeling “so sexy”, receiving a CLK Mercedes and it feeling like Christmas. And I’m agreeing, it really does feel like Christmas.

Run-D.M.C. – Christmas in Hollis
I cannot actually believe this is a thing. This song is real and it’s hilarious. All respect to Rev. Run, D.M.C. and Jam Master Jay, but this is just damn too funny. They really bring the lyrical fire, with lines like, “But I’d never steal from Santa, cause that ain’t right. So I’m going home to mail it back to him that night” and “My name’s D.M.C. with the mic in my hand. And I’m chilling and coolin’ just like a snowman”. Well in lads, this truly does spread the Christmas cheer… even if it is a mocking grin.

12 Carols Of The Bells
Sung by a harmonising choir, this carol is both haunting and beautiful, and if it doesn’t impress you a little bit, you’re a Grinch. It also features in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, when Kevin runs home from the church and prepares to set up to once more battle the Wet Bandits (Sticky Bandits), which is a great 90s movie… and if you don’t like it, you’re a Grinch.

John & Yoko/Plastic Ono Band – Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
This is a Christmas song that doubles as a protest song, so it’s already bringing more substance to the table than every other Xmas tune. It’s pleasant, positive, cheesy and nice, so sing along and stop being a Grinch.

Chuck Berry – Run Run Rudolph
Chuck Berry is the man. The 90-something year old is a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer and recognised as a pioneer for what Rock is today. And yes, he did a Christmas song. If this short and super sweet tune doesn’t make you want to stand up and wiggle, then you’re probably a square.